Anything for a Good, Charitable Cause
by DownstairsDaddy
Summary: It's time once again for Downton Hospital's annual major fundraiser. No more Abbey tours, time for something new. Bless Lady Rose Aldridge for shaking things up yet again - and delivering this, mainly Chelsie, Fangirl treat.
1. Chapter 1: Downton Public Library

A/N 1: I'm back, and happy to be with you again! Enjoy!

The recently-retired Beryl Patmore was on her way from Yew Tree Farm into Downton village. Due to join Elsie Carson for luncheon, after, they would attend the monthly hospital volunteers' meeting. Beryl didn't know what she was getting herself into necessarily, but Elsie had persuaded her good and long-time friend of the importance of volunteer efforts.

And whilst Beryl really was up for nearly _anything_ to help fill her days besides cooking for just two - occasionally four, maybe six – once she and Albert were married, she didn't know why on earth Elsie had asked that she meet her at the Downton Public Library of all places.

Mrs. Patmore entered the building that had only opened some six months ago, one of many gifts to the residents of Downton bequeathed by the Dowager upon her passing. Not finding Elsie in the library's vestibule, Beryl was unsure where to turn to next as it was, all things considered, a rather sizeable building. She took a chance and asked the young woman behind the circulation desk if she knew Mrs. Carson to be in the building. The kindly, smart-looking woman smiled and directed Mrs. Patmore to the North wing of the building, opposite her.

Reading the sign beside that archway, Beryl stopped and turned to clarify, "Mrs. Carson is in the Children's library?"

The young woman smiled again, and nodded, "And Mr. Carson too. It's Tuesday."

Beryl was solidly confounded as she walked that direction, only as she drew closer she heard the animated voice of Charles Carson followed by a menagerie of high-pitched giggles. As she walked through the doorway, Beryl paused again, charmed by the sight in front of her: the Carsons sitting on a settee, a red-headed, bespectacled little lass between them. Mrs. Carson was holding the children's book _The Secret Garden_ in front of her as her husband read aloud to the six member group of pre-schoolers seated on the floor in front of them, and two mothers beyond them in chairs, all listening intently.

When an astonished Mrs. Patmore remarked, "Well, I'll be damned!" not quite as under her breath as she'd intended, one of the mother's tssk'd her.

"…_and his eyes full of laughter, was Master Colin Craven. The young boy was walking as strongly as any other ten-year-old boy! The End."_

"Yay, Mr. Cawson!" One of the little lads cheered from the floor, breaking the spells of the mesmerized lass seated on the settee sucking her thumb, and Elsie. Looking up, Elsie noted her friend's arrival with a smile and reached to extract the lass's thumb from her mouth. The others joined in the clapping, as did Elsie upon closing the book.

"Thank you, children, thank you very much. But please, be sure to thank Mrs. Carson too!" Charles beamed in Elsie's direction as he in turn applauded her.

Just then the lass between the Carsons turned herself around and knelt on the seat cushion, leaning up to gently kiss Elsie on the cheek.

"Oh, petal, that's very kind of you."

Lowering his voice and his chin, Charles addressed the lass, "That was a lovely story wasn't it, Becky? Thank you for your help." When he looked up again, he noticed Mrs. Patmore's arrival.

"Ah, well lads and lasses, I'm afraid Mrs. Carson needs to leave us now." Consulting his pocket watch, Mr. Carson continued, "Thankfully, _we_ have time for one more story together. Whose turn is it now?"

"Mine!" A lad shot up and toward Carson.

"Okay, Timothy, one moment, please." The Carsons stood and helped Becky down from the settee. "Goodbye, Mrs. Carson," Charles said to his wife, a silly side grin on his face, "See you at home later this afternoon."

"Kiss!" Becky smiled up at them.

The three other little lasses echoed her, whilst Timothy voiced a different opinion, "Yucky!"

Normally, Charles was hesitant to share affections in public but in this moment, he wanted to set young Timothy straight, that there was nothing 'yucky' about kissing your wife, and so sensing no objection from the now clapping mothers, and certainly not his wife, Charles leaned over and kissed a delighted Elsie on the cheek. "Oh my. Thank you, Mr. Carson, you flatterer."

As Elsie walked toward Beryl, she heard her husband address the tyke in front of him, "Now then, Timothy, what is it you'd like us to read together? Oh, _Mr. Pufferbill_, the train engineer! Excellent! Will you hold the book for me too? Wonderful."

As Beryl and Elsie stepped toward the exit, Elsie took one last look over her shoulder toward her husband who was looking her direction and winked before turning his attention to the lad who was settling in beside him, book propped on his knees.

A/N 2_: Mr. Pufferbill_– a Little Golden Book – was the first book that I could "read" by myself. Somehow the four-year-old me was able to memorize all 20+ pages in this picture book. I revisited the story a about a decade ago and was dumbfounded with how many words there were – lots, ~500!


	2. Chapter 2: Luncheon in the Village

Over Quiche and a Rocket salad, Elsie explained Charles' weekly story time reading to Downton pre-schoolers. The Dowager had encouraged him in this direction before she died and Charles found he rather enjoyed passing down his and Elsie's love of reading to the youngest amongst them. At 45 minutes long, Charles' story time was within the young children's attention span and helpful to allow their mothers to run errands in the Village. And the children loved his storytelling, repertoire of voices and facial expressions!

Charles' practice was to have one book pre-selected to read; after Elsie's retirement, Charles had started selecting books that benefitted from an added female voice, persuading Elsie to join him. As much as she enjoyed accompanying him, what warmed her heart the most was how accepting all the wee ones were of Charles' tremor. Four-year old Benjamin Stevens had asked Charles about it matter-of-factly during Charles' first story time, forcing him to explain it; after that, it was never brought up again. When the tremor was acting up on him, Charles simply asked one of the children to hold the book. Granted, sometimes, he had to direct them to orient the book properly, but all were eager for the honour of holding a book for the imposing yet beloved Mr. Carson.

Beryl just shook her head in disbelief at Elsie's explanation, "So the curmudgeon is now an old softie!"

"Don't let him hear you say that, Beryl!"

"Ah, I'm not afraid of The Great One. But if he was just a few minutes from finishing with 'em, why didn't he join us? He coulda, ye know."

Elsie finished chewing her bite of broccoli and swallowed before answering, "The Great One was going on to Ripon straightaway - for a swim at the lido."


	3. Chapter 3: Hospital Volunteers

"And this afternoon's last order of business is fundraising. As you all know, we raise funds throughout the year but depend largely on one major fundraiser. Recall that for the past few years, the doors of the Abbey have been opened to the public one summer afternoon for that purpose," the Fundraising Committee Chairwoman, Isobel Clarkson, explained to a room full of nodding heads.

"And we'll do so again?" Beryl piped in.

From the corner of the room President of the Hospital Committee Cora Crawley spoke in reply, "Unfortunately, no Mrs. Patmore. Whilst my family and I would be happy to do so again, attendance declined too dramatically from year one to year two and again last year. I'm afraid it wouldn't meet our fundraising needs."

"I find that difficult to understand. It's always such a lovely event!"" Elsie added.

"Thank you, Mrs. Carson. Certainly with your help that has been the case, but our market research suggests two things: 1) those who have attended generally have a 'once is enough' attitude, and 2) very few travel from far away to attend."

"In short, we need something fresh, something that will draw new blood shall we say – oh, forgive me, I sound like Cousin Violet now! We need something fresh, something that will attract a large audience, and ideally one that reaches farther afield," Isobel noted. "Let us break into small groups to brainstorm ideas, then we'll review toward the end of the meeting with the full group to see if we have anything."

In the end, there was nothing that truly excited the room. Isobel asked for volunteers to continue the brainstorm and reconnect with her, Cora and the broader board in three days – it was important to keep things moving forward expediently on this important effort.

Elsie was surprised when her friend Beryl's arm shot up and she volunteered the both of them to continue the brainstorm. "What?" Beryl glared back. "Aren't you the one who said it's important to volunteer? That's all I'm doing now!"


	4. Chapter 4: The Secret in the Garden

Beryl and Elsie continued to ponder the current challenge on the walk back to the Carsons' cottage. Elsie's favourite fundraising idea was collecting an array of sewing, knitting, quilting and needlepoint work, reasoning that they were dying arts. Beryl agreed they were dying – but too many pieces would be required, how would they ever collect enough to be the substantive fundraiser the hospital needed?

Beryl's idea was close to her own heart as well – a bake sale. Whilst Elsie agreed that baked goods were a common interest among many, she voiced her concern about freshness and people's growing mindful of too many sweets. The two laughed as they approached the cottage, not either of their men, of course!

"Beryl, it's a little early for tea, but won't you come in and have a cuppa? It might help us find a solution and we need to."

"Thank you. Is Mr. Carson home from Ripon?"

"I don't know for certain, but we'll soon find out," Elsie said as she unlocked the front door of her and Charles' cozy home. "Aye, he issei's," Elsie noted as she pointed to his bowler hanging on the coat tree inside their front door.

"Charlie?" Elsie called out once inside the threshold. Receiving no reply, she first took off her hat, before hanging it and Beryl's as well. "Well, he's either gardening or upstairs."

"Oooh, Mr. Carson's garden. I'm anxious to see what he's planted for you this year."

"Ach, it's no secret. We can take a peek. Ah, upstairs he is!" Elsie noted at the faint sound of water flowing in their upstairs pipes. "I'm going to let him know we're home, and change my shoes."

"Would you like me to put the kettle on the hob?"

"You're a dear, Beryl. Yes, please."

As Elsie disappeared, Beryl made her way to the Carsons' modest kitchen. While the kitchen in the farmhouse at Yew Tree was far from what she'd commanded at Downton, she could never survive with as simple provisioning as her friend made do with here.

Beryl set three place settings on the table and plated a few biscuits from one of the tins she gladly kept refilling for her friends. With nothing to do but wait for the water to boil, Beryl decided there would be no harm in stepping out to see the garden's latest plantings and new growth. She was stepping back in the Carson's kitchen door when Elsie reappeared. "Charlie's just taken a bath to rinse more of the chlorine smell off himself. He'll join us when he's able. You looked at the garden. What do you think?"

Beryl started chuckling. "I think we ought to consider a garden walk for the hospital fundraiser. You could have quite a queue to get in here alone."

"Ach, Beryl, I know it's a nice garden, but what Charlie's planted and how he's planted are not exceptional, let alone worthy of a paid admission."

"Oh, it's not the plants that people would pay for."

"I'm not following, Beryl. What are you suggesting?"

"I'll show you what I mean. Come, step to the window with me." Elsie did as she was asked at which point Beryl pointed to the outdoors beyond. "_That's_ what I mean!" Beryl doubled over now as Elsie took in the sight of her husband's navy coloured trunks hanging, right as rain, from two clothespins beside his towel on the wash line.

"Oh Beryl, stop it!"

Slowly, and with difficulty, Beryl's laughs receded. As she stood up, blinking, Beryl continued, "Probably a few Quid per head we could git with them!"

"Beryl Patmore, enough!"

Wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes, "Oh gosh, I haven't laughed this hard since I don't know when."

"And _you_ best _stop_ laughing by the time Charlie comes down here!" Beryl caught the glare of the Scottish Dragon and knew she best comply. And yet, teasing him was so tempting!

When Mr. Carson descended the stairs after his bath, his trousers were paired with a freshly starched shirt, wet hair slicked back with pomade and he smelled of sandalwood and citrus. Above all, he was overly ready for the treacle tart Elsie had told him about, Beryl having carried it from her bed and breakfast this morning and all throughout the day.

With it being such a beautiful day, Elsie asked Charles to open the windows for them. As they sat and ate, a soft breeze from outside billowed the lace curtains yet Charles was none the wiser to the hysterics of minutes before. Elsie and Beryl told Charles about the fundraising challenge and the plan to regroup with Mrs. Clarkson.

Changing the subject then, Beryl asked more than stated, "So I understand you went to Ripon to swim in the lido." Elsie stiffened. Charles was cutting through his slice of tart with his fork and nodded before wiping his mouth.

"I did."

"What, the water hole not good enough for ye?"

"I'm perfectly fine swimming in the water hole. I just knew my wife to be otherwise engaged this afternoon and she doesn't approve of me swimming alone."

"And, they have one of those Jacuzzis at the lido which is good for his tremors," Elsie added, reaching over to clutch his offending hand. Charles smiled back at her.

"Well, Albert goes to the water hole on occasion. You two might go together next time."

Charles considered the suggestion. "No offense, Mrs. Patmore, but I kind of like swimming with my wife at the water hole," he waggled his eyebrows at Elsie before closing his lips around a last bite of tart and chewed, a broad smile on his face.

Beryl looked down at her watch then realizing it was later than she thought. She made her way to get up, "Yes, well, I'm going to leave you two to do whatever it is you do here all day – when you aren't swimming. I dropped some food off to Yew Tree Farm earlier and I best be headed there now to finish preparations for Mr. Mason's supper."


	5. Chapter 5: Under Starry Skies

Later, well after their own al fresco supper in the garden sans drying swim trunks, Elsie nestled against Charles' side. With his right arm around her shawl-covered shoulders, they both stared up into the dark summer sky studying the stars, instrumental music projecting from the gramophone in their parlour. Tapping out the beat of a new tune with his left hand on his thigh, Charles happened to look over at his wife and noticed her worrying her lip. "Elsie, Elsie. There you go again. What's wrong on a night as perfect as this one?" He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"The bloody fundraiser," she admitted. "I don't have _any_ good ideas."

"Well, two minds are always better than one, and our two are especially good together. What say we talk about it some ourselves?" Charles leaned in for a peck on the lips. She obliged him but that was all. He sighed and started quizzing her on all the ideas that had occurred to her and others. Her mind had clearly been busy with this for some time. Spurred on by the music Charles suggested, "What about a concert? On the lawn...at the Abbey?"

Elsie looked up at him then, "Say more, Mr. Carson."

He explained a grand vision that made it sound as if the Chamber Orchestra of London itself would travel out to Yorkshire to perform under the stars.

"Sounds rather elaborate, Mr. Carson."

"Well, you want something that will draw people from all around, yes? That would do it, especially the music of romance!" He waggled his eyebrows at that last part.

"Yes, but it also sounds _very_ expensive to underwrite."

"Okay, well maybe some of the local musicians instead, a conductor, and a narrator, that's all you need."

"And they'd have to rehearse. Whom exactly do you propose narrate?"

He didn't even need a moment to think about it before volunteering himself. Elsie snorted and squeezed his middle. Shocked at her response, Charles responded, "What? You've seen how the children at the library hang on my every word. Besides, you've told me more than once, my voice…makes _you_ swoon." He had lowered his voice for that last part in that ultra-sensual way that always turned Elsie on.

"Aye, and I dare venture a few of the young mothers at the library do as well," she teased. Elsie was suddenly overcome with a yawn and suggested they retire for the evening.

A short while later, cuddled together upstairs in their big marital bed, Charles was beginning to drift off, but not yet Elsie. "Charlie?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you really narrate a fundraising concert for the hospital?"

Instinctively, he flexed his arm – the one draped across her middle and wrapped around her side holding her close. "Absolutely. Anything for a good, charitable cause. Now, go to sleep, love." He encouraged her with a soft peck on her temple and before long, Charles was snoring lightly in her ear.


	6. Chapter 6: Building Consensus

Over the last couple of days, the Carsons had together furthered the notions of a concert on the Abbey grounds. Scaled down to something manageable, Elsie was feeling good – no, very good – about their idea and was prepared to emphasize the role Charles was willing to play in her pitch to the Volunteer Board members today. Mrs. Patmore had been a part of the process too and the concert idea had her full endorsement as well. Until the Hospital's Volunteer's Meeting was underway, that is.

About to call the meeting to order, Chairwoman Isobel Clarkson was as surprised as anyone to see Cora Crawley arrive with a plus one, Lady Rose Aldridge. Rose had returned to the UK weeks before with her young daughter Miss Victoria – and another one on the way. After visiting him in Scotland, Rose's father had accompanied them to Downton for a brief stay. He was returning today, but Rose and Victoria were staying for three more weeks before traveling to her in-laws' where they would reunite with Atticus for another month of holiday time. As she had done since first arriving in Downton to stay with the Dowager Countess years before, Lady Rose still had a knack for shaking things up.

She politely listened to all the logic Mrs. Carson and Mrs. Patmore presented about the summer concert idea, and with equal grace, supplied a counterpoint to all the reasoning. Sensing the women's disappointment, Isobel challenged Lady Rose what constructive alternative she might have. The young woman thought for a moment and then began speaking in her familiar stream-of-consciousness way. "You need something that can go _to_ the people, rather than depend on the people coming to it. Something that appeals to multiple generations and won't break their banks. Something that reminds people _every day_ of your charitable efforts and makes them feel good." Lady Rose's voice trailed off as she thought deeper on what the answer might be.

"Like a photo calendar?" Beryl inquired.

"Ooh, Mrs. Patmore – that's good!" Rose's enthusiasm was ignited as was the others' and with that, Elsie feared their concert idea slipping away.

Cora noticed the disappointment in Elsie's expression and thought she might hit on a compromise. "A photo of the Abbey bathed in a summer sunset could be one month's photo. I think it would be exactly the sort of magical scene that Mrs. Carson and Mrs. Patmore were suggesting with the concert idea."

Isobel added, "And some photos of the gardens! Those were never accessible during the open houses."

Thinking solely of flowers, Beryl volunteered, "And Mr. Carson's garden is something to be seen as well!" She smiled at Elsie then. Recognizing the conciliatory gesture of her good friend, Elsie returned a half smile. Yes, it would please Charles to have his garden featured in the same company as the Family's.

Then Lady Rose's unmistakable giggle interrupted. "That's all well and good, but what about Mr. Carson himself?"

"What about Mr. Carson, M'lady?"

"Ladies," Rose continued, using the term in its broadest sense, to match her now broad smile and sparkling eyes. "Flowers and castles and baby animals and whatever else is all fine, but those are all available on others' calendars. You need something that is uniquely tied to Downton. I'm thinking of a calendar featuring the _men_ of Downton! The _handsome_ _men_ of Downton!"

"What, like _Hunks in Trunks_?" Elsie's head jerked at Beryl's question. Was she revisiting the forbidden topic of Charles' swim trunks hanging in the garden? "What, Elsie, I didn't say nothin' that I swore to you I wouldn't. You know, there's more men in the world than your Curmudgeon. Them Hunks is a real thing!"

Elsie snapped back, "I know that, Beryl, I don't live in a sack!"

"And you grew up on a farm, yadda yadda, I've heard it all before. Oh, _farm_! Lady Rose, perhaps Andrew and my Albert could be in a photo together at the farm!"

"Oh, that's also good, Mrs. Patmore!" Rose raced over to the board in the corner of the room and jotted the men's names.

As she did so, Isobel piped in, "The original men's troupe from Australia, _Thunder From Down Under_ are a global sensation."

"Yes, Mrs. Clarkson, and they have a pinup calendar – a very successful revenue-producing calendar!" None other than Lady Grantham shared that tidbit with the crowd, with all ears tuned to the mention of big revenue.

As the other meeting participants began enthusiastically calling out names of Downton's other male residents, and Rose added them to the list, Elsie could tell the concert idea was dead in the water. By the end of the meeting it seemed a pinup calendar would indeed be Downton Hospital's major fundraising effort of the year.


	7. Chapter 7: Just not Proper!

From Chapter 6: _Elsie could tell the concert idea was dead in the water as the other meeting participants began enthusiastically calling out names of Downton's other male residents, and Rose added them. It was official then: a pinup calendar would be this year's Downton Hospital major fundraising effort._

CECECECE

As the list grew, Elsie was dumbfounded, but never more so than when Isobel added, "Mrs. Carson, I'm surprised you haven't suggested Mr. Carson for our list. Downton isn't Downton without Mr. Carson."

Silence filled the room and all eyes were on Elsie as she considered the list of other men's names. Cora Crawley had volunteered not only all of her son-in-laws, but her husband as well. Isobel Clarkson had done so also, and of course Beryl had volunteered her soon-to-be husband. "I concur," Rose spoke after some time.

Oh, Elsie was feeling the heat, but she knew her husband and began shaking her head and pushing herself back from the table. "Oh, I assure you all, he'd _never_!"

(Later that day in the Carson's Garden)

"Oh, I'd _never_! And whenever did Mrs. Patmore turn on you?"

"Anytime there was a question about the store cupboard key! I think she remembered those today."

Elsie was actually warming to the idea of the pinup calendar, picturing some of the names on the list in their shorts made her chuckle. But she felt badly for Charles. He'd been so optimistic and anxious for good news on the concert idea, she found he'd actually fetched his evening livery from storage whilst she had been at the Volunteers' meeting in anticipation of needing it again. She watched now from the kitchen window as he attacked the tall grasses rimming the west end of the garden. He'd been at it for 45 minutes since she'd returned home and they'd debriefed about the meeting. In consideration of the high sun, she poured two glasses of cool lemonade and walked out to him.

"Charlie, take a rest for a while, come sit with me." He spiked the pitchfork into the ground and obliged Elsie, reaching for the glass she held out to him.

"You're worked up about the calendar idea, aren't you?" She said at last.

"Men in their shorts. Where's the style? Where's the show?" Elsie thought to herself, _'Oh, there'd be a show alright!'_ Noting Elsie's lack or response, Charles just grunted as he emptied his glass.

"Charlie, I can think of worse ideas and I understand they are a money-maker for others."

"For others, think about whom you're speaking in the case of Downton."

"Aye, remember _The Full Monty_? There was nothing special about most of those lads."

"Hated that film, you remember."

She rolled her eyes then; she _had_ liked it. "Well, forget about them for a minute. What about you? It's not entirely risqué."

"Elsie, for the last time. No. Highly doubtful but_ maybe_ back when I was on the boards. But that was 50 years ago. Elsie, I'm an old fart – 70!"

"Seventy, shmeventy, you still look handsome in your trunks – and your shorts!" She squeezed his thigh.

"Forget it, Elsie," he made to stand in order to return to work. "I suppose you have another meeting about it."

"Tomorrow." The expediency surprised him. "Need to take advantage of Lady Rose's short stay" Elsie explained.

"Well, you be sure to tell the lot of em, it's just not proper!"


	8. Chapter 8: Saturday

A/N: Thanks for all your reviews. Consensus seems to be this is a fun little ride – as I intended. Reviewer Barbara asked if this is set in present day. I flipped and flopped and even considered it a CrackFic at one point, because the timing is so…all over the board (as are other details). My suggestion, just have fun with it!

CECECECE

By the time the Volunteer Committee reconvened Saturday morning, word had spread around the village about the calendar, and Isobel had already received several phone calls with individuals interested to be included in the pages. Rose and Cora had been busy too; they'd contacted Edith who was able to recommend a portrait photographer and art director from London to help out, going so far as to suggest they should do so pro bono as old favours to her. Further, Cora had garnered the commitments of her husband and sons-in-law. She was in the process of recruiting some of her daughters' former suitors – all except Richard Carlisle – and others in the tight-knit Downton community. Rose had also called her husband about being included. As participants were confirmed, Rose busied herself with dreaming up what their pages might be titled, or the poses.

As she explained to the Committee, for example, Tom and Henry would be 'The Gearheads' and resting against a bumper or such. Andrew and Mr. Mason, 'Salt of the Earth' and standing amongst some of the crops. Thomas and James, 'Pride.' Of course, her Atticus would have to be photographed offsite, but he could be 'The Big Apple.' Although she adored his handsome face, perhaps he'd pose like Magrite's painting. Again, she giggled as she charmed the women with all the ideas that had frankly kept her from sleeping last night.

"Ladies, are we agreed then, the calendar IS A GO?" Isobel asked for confirmation and the vote was unanimous, even Elsie voted for it.

Cora chimed in, "This is so exciting – and wonderful! We will need to move swiftly. My daughter Edith encouraged us to complete the photography in the next week to ten days to allow for layout and advertisement before the holiday gifting seasonBEGINS. Mrs. Carson, won't you _please_ again try to persuade your husband to partake?"

"Oh, M'lady, I have spoken with him."

In fact, as rumour had quickly spread around the village about the _possibility _of a male pinup calendar, others outside the Committee had reached out to Charles. As always, he remained steadfast, even refusing to go to church tomorrow in order to avoid more commotion.

CECECECE

Upon returning home, as Elsie promised the others, she did try again. "Charlie, they _really_ do want you included." She paused to give him time to consider this next statement. "You know, they've turned some down; Mr. Tufton for one."

Charles looked up at the mention of the grocer. "Tufton's a Thirsk man himself, he wouldn't even qualify," he huffed.

"And he's an oaf, and none of us want to see him in his shorts," Elsie snorted, attempting to lighten the mood. Charles did not find the humour in it AT ALL.

"Well, I'm sure your Committee will find I'm not the only one to refuse them, his Lordship for one wouldn't stoop so low."

"Ah, there you're wrong, Charlie. Burke's Peerage will be _well_ represented. The Marquess of Hexham will be photographed up at Brancaster. Lady Rose had nicknamed him, 'Flirty Bertie' though who knows if that will stick. Sir Anthony Strailan has agreed to join the cast of the Ladies' Suitors –"

"Ah, but not Lord Grantham, himself!" Charles raised his index finger.

"Noooo, Lord Grantham _will_ be taking part. Lady Grantham suggested he be photographed only above the waist, however."

"To preserve a morsel of his dignity," Charles shook his head.

"Or, to focus on his biceps, also known as," she snickered again, 'The Grantham Arms.'

"It grows more preposterous by the moment!" Charles huffed.

"There will be decorum and modesty exercised, Charlie. There has to be for Reverend Travis to have agreed."

"Travis agreed?!"

"Aye, he and Dr. Clarkson will be together. 'Body and Soul' will be the title on their page. She started to nibble her lower lip then, and Charles noticed. "I'm afraid to ask," he said, gesturing toward the nibble. "It couldn't possibly get any worse."

"Lady Rose, she had an idea for your photograph."

"Oh for heaven's sake!"

"Behind a bicycle. 'The Biker Butler' she said."

Charles just rolled his eyes in disgust. "Oh, yes, because that will hide all sorts of…things."


	9. Chapter 9: Moving Forward

As Edith had encouraged, photography was to start on location Wednesday; the team hoped to have everything finished two days later, concluding with a group shot – save for Atticus and Bertie – with all the models in their 'Cricket Whites.'

On Tuesday, Lady Rose had even stopped by the library to speak with Mr. Carson herself; she hoped to persuade him to be involved in the calendar. Still, he politely refused.

On Wednesday, Beryl had phoned Elsie to come to the farm for tea with her and Daisy. Well, really it was to watch the photo shoot of Andrew and Albert. Elsie, Beryl and Daisy were having a good time behind the photographer, it helped put Albert and Andrew at ease and it showed when the women looked at the proofs. Thumbing through the proofs from earlier in the day, each had their favourites.

All were surprised when Lady Mary arrived at Yew Tree. She had been absent from all the calendar efforts but was intrigued to see what the last shoot of the day would look like, and to say hello and thank the old friends partaking together in the largest ensemble of the day: Evelyn Napier, Charles Blake, Tony Gillingham and Anthony Strallan.

"And when is Mr. Carson being photographed, Mrs. Carson?"

"Oh, Mr. Carson is not being photographed, M'lady. He's chosen to abstain in the name of propriety."

"Nonsense, even my bare-chested Papa is partaking."

"As I've told Mr. Carson, M'lady. Reverend Travis, Mr. Drew, Sergeant Willis have agreed as well. It falls on deaf ears _every_ time." She raised her hands and shrugged.

"That's a shame, would it do any good for me to speak with him?"

The Blessed Lady Mary, Elsie and Beryl thought simultaneously. Lady Rose had overheard them. "Surely it couldn't hurt, Mrs. Carson? One last ditch effort? We're down to the wire and yet I have a page reserved in the hopes that Mr. Carson will say yes."

Elsie looked at Beryl, then shrugged her shoulders again before voicing, "Oh why not. Might you come by tomorrow afternoon, M'lady, for tea?"


	10. Chapter 10: The Minx

Now it was time for Elsie the Plotter to have a sleepless night. She was so hopeful that the one person for whom he really would do _anything _might persuade her Charles of the value of his being included in the fundraising effort.

When she returned from the farm, Elsie had told Charles they were to have a guest for tea the next day. She told him a day ahead in order to make sure he wasn't toiling in the garden then. Only she refused to tell him whom to expect, just "a special someone." In fact, she didn't anticipate Lady Mary to actually stay for tea, it was just the pretense.

Charles was both surprised and delighted by the arrival of Lady Mary at their doorstep. She strode into the cottage and Elsie left the two of them be. There was no beating around the bush, "Carson, I need your help."

"Anything at all, M'lady," Mary could see the pride of being needed in her old butler.

"Mama and Isobel and others, namely Downton Cottage Hospital, have a lot riding on the success of their calendar for fundraising." Charles shoulders drooped, he hadn't expected this turn. Of course, Elsie must have set Lady Mary up for it. But when he inquired as such, Mary corrected him. "No, this was my idea, after hearing you've refused up until now."

"That's correct, M'lady."

"But why Carson, aren't Downton Hospital's patients worthy of your charity?" Elsie was eavesdropping from the kitchen.

"They are M'lady, in other forms."

"But haven't you yourself been returned to good health over the years, thanks to the care of Dr. Clarkson, the head physician at the Hospital?"

"Indeed, I have M'lady."

"And wasn't Mrs. Carson – then Mrs. Hughes – deemed cancer-free by Dr. Clarkson?" His breath hitched in the parlour, as did Elsie's in the kitchen. She couldn't hear her husband's silent head nodding response.

"Then won't you please, for me and for Mrs. Carson, and my dearly-departed granny, God rest her soul, do this little something for _a good, charitable cause_, Carson? I understand Lady Rose has a time slot reserved for you, just after breakfast at the Abbey."

Elsie had tiptoed back into the parlour by then, catching Charles' eye as he was trapped in his own words. Turning his attention back to Lady Mary then he gave a half smile and nodding, he assured her, "I'll be there in the morning, M'Lady. Don't you worry."

'Praise be to heaven!' Elsie thought. The Minx comes through, yet again! And without a sip of tea, she bid her farewell.

"I'm proud of you my man," Elsie walked over to Charles, put her hands around his neck and pulled him down for a tender kiss, earning a loving embrace from her husband.

Still holding her against his chest, Charles voiced his concerns, "But what will I wear? I understood the whole premise to be men only in their shorts…and as you know, there's _no_ room for shorts under my Lycra."

"Don't you worry, darling. If you'll pardon the pun, I've got you covered. I'll be right back and show you!"

Indeed, whilst Charles went out to the shed, measuring up his bicycle, his ever-resourceful wife went upstairs and fished out a gift that she'd planned to give her husband later in the summer for his birthday. When Charles returned, Elsie had him open the package, explaining to his astounded eyes, "I ordered these from that shop in Argyll I am on the mailing list for. I couldn't resist." She was nibbling that lip again.

_These_ were a pair of Tartan print shorts that delivered the style and show that Charles Carson always insisted upon, and celebrated his devotion to his Scottish lass.

"Now, what say we figure out a pose for you, Mr. Carson?"


	11. Chapter 11: Say Cheese!

From Chapter 10: _When Charles returned, Elsie had him open the package, explaining to his astounded eyes, "I ordered these from that shop in Argyll I am on the mailing list for. I couldn't resist." She was nibbling that lip again._

_'These' were a pair of Tartan print shorts that delivered the style and show that Charles Carson always insisted upon, and celebrated his devotion to his Scottish lass._

_"Now, what say we figure out a pose for you, Mr. Carson?"_

CECECECE

Whilst Elsie made a salad and reheated leftovers for their supper, Charles cleaned up his bicycle so that it gleamed and sparkled. Over their simple yet tasty meal later, the Carsons discussed Charles' options. Only, afterward - once the dishes were washed and put away - none of those options worked well enough in Elsie's opinion as they all had in theory. She suggested he change into the new shorts so she'd know for certain. He thought she was kidding; in fact she was quite serious. Reluctantly, Charles went inside, changed and returned to the garden wearing only his new Tartan print shorts. Elsie had used the time to pour two glasses of sherry for them.

Again, she studied her handsome husband from all different angles standing beside or sitting upon his bicycle. "Charlie, it's just not working," she sighed.

"Well what do we do?" he was clearly nervous as he rubbed his hands together.

"We'll get there in the end. I think the problem is the bicycle and maybe we need to abandon that idea altogether. How about posing with that silly stuffed trout of yours instead? The one that's been around as long as I've known you."

"Funny, no. Another reason I didn't particularly like the bicycle - and it's true for the trout as well - neither says 'us.' Ultimately, I'm doing _this_ for you, and I'd like to pose with something that is synonymous with us."

He could be so thoughtful, her man. Elsie picked up her sherry glass and leaned back in her chair, considering other options for him. "Well, how about a sherry glass?"

Disappointedly, his first reaction was that she was teasing him. But as he looked over at his wife, she was holding her sherry glass out to him in a toast; she was being genuine.

Clinking their glasses, Charles cleared his throat and mumbled, "Definitely not enough for me to hide behind. A wine bottle, perhaps?"

By her silence, it appeared that Elsie was considering that option. "Maybe if it's a magnum." When he caught onto what she was implying, Charles' chin dropped and Elsie burst into laughter, with her husband quickly following suit. Oh, Elsie!

Suddenly, Charles began waving his hands crazily around his head and brushing his arms, "Elsie, the mosquitos are coming. I need to go inside."

The Carsons hustled into their cottage, shut the kitchen door and shortly thereafter made their way into the parlour with Charles heading over to the staircase to slip into his pyjamas upstairs. He was on about the fourth step when Elsie shouted for him to stop. He did so. When she asked him to turn around and head back down, he started to do that as well, though he he wasn't following why exactly. Only she commanded that he stop again, ever before he'd descended one step. Elsie gestured for him to raise his knee that was closest to her. "Charlie, I think we've got it. You want modesty and something that says _us_." She pointed at her confused husband, "There, you have both."

On Friday morning at the Abbey, with his loving wife nearby lending her emotional support, Charles Carson described to the art director, Lady Rose and the photographer what they'd concluded last night at home. Charles would be photographed heading "down" the Servants' stairs, his left foot solidly on a tread, his right leg closest to the camera raised so that his thigh shielded "Elsie's treasures" behind it. It was one of the creative team's favourite shots.

Later that morning, Charles gathered with more than a dozen men of Downton, all in conventional plain white boxers or briefs for the group shot on Downton's cricket pitch. The best shot of the lot was deemed to be the one where Charles, like a few of the others, held a strategically placed bat up - to hide Lord Grantham's shorts.

**The End**

But wait, here's the calendar lineup:

January - Atticus Aldridge: The Big Apple

February - Bertie Pelham: Flirty Bertie

March - Sergeant Willis and Timothy Drew: First Responders

April - Andrew Parker and Albert Mason: Salt of the Earth

May - Robert Crawley: The Grantham Arms

June - Thomas Barrow and James Kent: Pride

July - John Bates, Joseph Molesley and Sepitmus Spratt: Loyalty

August - Charles Carson: Don't Stare Downstairs

September - Tom Branson and Henry Talbot: Gearheads

October - The Men of Downton

November - Anthony Strallan, Evelyn Napier, Charles Blake and Tony Gillingham: The Suitors

December - Dr. Clarkson and Reverend Travis: Body and Soul

CECECECE

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this little fic and know I welcome your reviews including thoughts on what poses/ props were used for each of the shots! Above all, who wants to place an order?! Regrets that such a calendar is not part of the upcoming movie promotions - that I am aware of!


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